Like this:

This past  Saturday I went shopping with the girls.  It was such an amazing experience for me – on a few levels!  Realized how much they are starting to take ownership for parts of their lives – and (it’s not all roses!) found some stuff to work on.

Friday night they made their lists – hysterical by the way.

Checking her list

Off we went Saturday morning.  I told them I’d take them anywhere but they choose our small local toy shop.  Wanted time to wrap when we were done – huh.  Good thinking. I would have blown all of my time driving to Burlington.   I had no agenda that morning and was just able to wander around the store, chat with the owner and look at what they were picking out.  The lists were consulted, shopping baskets located, and items selected.  The owner Sally gives the girls a 5% discount when they come in paying for things (gifts) with their own money.  Love that positive reinforcement.  Emily spent $32 on her list and Annie spent $26.  They didn’t get everything on their list but did spend all of their money.  Home to wrap it up and they were fired up!

This picture sort of sums it all up for me – The awesomeness.  First of all  – there was a list.  Somewhere along the way she figured out it was a good idea to be organized and plan it all out.  Second – It’s all her decision.  No comment or suggestions by me.  This used to be hard – but now it’s easy.  Ever since I doubted the success of the Vermont shaped ornament and cookie cutter set only to be told by the mom that it was her daughter’s favorite gift.  Third – this isn’t just money they found.  They had to attend family meeting to get it, put it away, then hang onto it for a number of weeks.   There is still some training to be done – what to do about the people who you didn’t have enough money to buy for?  You can see my husband and I were ALREADY getting pictures : ) I’m not sure who else will get bumped but I can already see the wheels turning when they talked about bringing their presents into school.  “But I don’t have anything for my teacher yet!”  We’ll have to stay tuned for how that turns out….I don’t think Mr. Wolf is getting a wolf either.

There were some challenges too.  We went to the post office after this and Emily realized she still had on a mood ring from the store.   “No problem honey – it’s a mistake and we’ll just go tell Sally.”  If she could have said “HELL NO Mom!”  – she would have.  She flipped at the prospect of HER going back into the store.  I tired to point out that it was a mistake and an honest one and that Sally would understand.  She wasn’t having any of it and I realized I needed to shut up – and fast.  I drove back to the store trying really hard to keep my mouth shut.  It was clear she had a very mistaken belief about what happens to good girls who make mistakes.   I sat in the parking lot while she freaked and her sister tried to tell her that it had happened to her before and it was really no big deal.  I frantically racked my brain and texted my Vicki Jr. friend to figure out how to handle this.   Eventually decided that the ring needed to go back but I had to respect Emily’s choice.  Not bringing this ring back did not necessarily mean she would turn to a life of crime.  At least not tomorrow.

“I am bringing  this ring back into Sally.  You can come with me  – and you don’t have to talk but you do need to hear what she says.  If you are not willing to do that, I’m not willing to go shopping with you anymore.”  I’m not sure that was the right approach but it’s done and I’m sticking to it for now.  I really struggled with understanding her need to not walk in there and the desire to have her see that Sally would be APPRECIATIVE  – not mad at her.    Emily chose to stay in the car  and Annie and I went in.  Sally’s words – “It happens!”  We told Emily what Sally said and then changed the subject to something else.

Later we were having a nice cuddle and I asked her about the incident.  “Mom, I just couldn’t go in  – I just couldn’t!”  I get it.  I threw in a couple of things about good people vs bad choices and let it be.  I will have to create some situations that help guide her out of this mistaken belief.  Give her space and time to find the courage to walk in that store.   She’ll get there – Look how far they’ve come!

Happy Holidays to you all -  S

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