So I’ve been heavy into Parenting on Track lately – conference call with some friends starting the program Monday nights and Wednesday nights attending the Parenting on Track – Part 2. This is for people who have been using the program for a few years now. Designed to dive in a little deeper and tweak our behavior as we’ve all fallen into our old habits again. It’s been amazing. Love it! Run don’t walk to sign up when she offers it again.
In the first class – we went around the room and talked about what is still tripping us up. I confessed that I still nag and remind and direct. BIG TIME. After a few minutes of peeling back the layers – it became clear that I’m still outcome focused. I still want to get out of the house on time, want the house clean, want my little solders marching in a line out the door in the morning. Happily damn it! I want control. It seems so obvious – but you’d be surprised how long this took me to arrive at this conclusion!
But if you make me choose – screw the control, I’d choose the relationship. Remaining outcome focused will never ever give me the relationship. It will give me distant angry, sassy (yup), unconnected kids. That’s not what I want. Clean house – yeah that would be great – but I now know, if I don’t give up all of that, I’ll never get the relationship. And I’ve been working on the control thing for a long time and it’s not so easy to shake. Even now when my brain is finally on board, my mouth still needs a leash. So on we go.
Yesterday in a snuggle on the couch, Annie did a roadmap for her afternoon. It so inspired her (read: made her feel so capable!) that before bed, she did one for the morning. I saw her consult every item and check them all off when complete. We had a great night and morning and today she left it up on the counter ” Mom- so much better than a wipe board” (which I realize I have been pushing) . Yes we left the house happily, on-time. But we got there through me putting on-time as priority 2….or 10. And putting the relationship as #1. Not easy but worth it.
Yabba dabba DOOOOO! Right on sister. Your blog entry topics show up JUST when I need them most. Still opening my fat trap. They let me know it is not necessary. Thank you for painting the picture and holding up the mirror.
By: cindypierce on November 8, 2011
at 6:17 pm
So happy to help! I had to apologize tonight for saying something I didn’t mean to…..our traps just like to talk!!!!!
By: Shalagh on November 8, 2011
at 11:23 pm
“But if you make me choose – screw the control, I’d choose the relationship.” Great line. Most parents don’t even know they have this choice!
By: flockmother on November 8, 2011
at 7:06 pm
Thanks C! I think I’ll put that up on my fridge to remember it’s a choice I want to make every day.
By: Shalagh on November 8, 2011
at 11:24 pm
Powerful post Sassy. I’m wondering if maybe you want to share your “aha” with class tonight to illustrate what a huge shift this really is. V
By: Vicki on November 9, 2011
at 1:25 pm